When I was single, I spent a lot of time on various dating apps trying to find someone. I quickly learned about the scammers. Luckily I was never scammed for any money, as I am too much of a tightwad to give money to someone I’ve never met.
But they were everywhere. SO many of them. It seemed like there were more scammers out there than actual real men looking to meet a woman. I got good at recognizing them pretty quickly, there are so many tell-tale signs.
How can someone across the country realize you are the only one for them based on your picture? I started putting in my ad “locals only need reply.” That didn’t stop them, their argument was that distance was no impediment to true love.
So I thought I’d go for “true love” angle. When they would tell me that distance was no impediment to true love, I’d reply that I was only looking to get laid and not looking for love, true or otherwise.
That led to conversations like this:
One evening I thought, these scammers are so bold and relentless. I decided to play a different game, where my goal was to get the scammer to the point where he thought I was too crazy to deal with and broke off the conversation on his end first instead of me all the time. That led to the following conversation
Scammer:
Mariuz_¬k431 
Hello dear
How are you doing?
Me:
I’m lonely as hell and horny
Scammer:
Are you here for a serious relationship?
Me:
No, I want sex three times a week and that is all
I just want to meet somebody that will have sex with me three times a week
Scammer:
Okay we can hook up
Where do you live in?
Me:
I live in W*** New York, where do you live
Scammer:
Albany new York Can I have some money for gas so I can drive down there tomorrow or next
Me:
what do you do for a living
Scammer:
I am retired from the military and you?
Me:
I am a very wealthy nurse. How much money do you think it will take to come down here?
Scammer:
Just need $500 for gas as I want to add up for hotel bills too so we can spend 3 nights together
Me:
OK, How about I send you a check?
Scammer:
Give me your cell number let us text better and find a way
Me:
Sorry, I don’t have a cell phone
Scammer:
Hangout or whatsapp?
Me:
No I only have my computer. I have a better idea, Give me your address and I will drive up there tonight, and I will pay for a hotel
Scammer:
That will be stressful honey
I will love to come
Can you drive out and get $500 worth amazon card so I can change to cash and use to be there tomorrow before 10 am?
Me:
Oh, I will not be stressed at all to drive up there, I love to drive
Scammer:
It’s okay dear
I am the man and will love to come
Can you get the cards tonight now
Drive out and get it and I will fill my tank and get there
All you do is give me your exact address
Me:
If you are really the man, you will not need my money
Scammer:
I do not
Just haven’t been paid yet
We will remain friends and I will definitely get it paid back and you can always come to my house but I want to come over first
Can you help get the cards tonight?
Me:
Sorry, I can’t go out right now, I am too drunk to drive
Scammer: 
What about in the morning
Then I can come at evening
Me:
I can send you $5000 western Union, but you have to give me back $4500 of it when you come, OK?
Scammer:
$5000 or $500 honey
Just need $500
Me:
Oh my gosh, I was just talking to my friend, and she said I should never send somebody money from a dating app, and that you are probably a scammer!!!!
Scammer:
Wow if you say so
But I can’t just be here to steal your money
Thanks anyways
Me:
What kind of a friend is she? That she would ruin my one chance at love, I am going to get my gun and shoot that fucking bitch in the head
Ttyl
Scammer:
Okay dear
Should I forget about coming and not expect anything?
Me:
Yes, I will be busy tomorrow, digging a hole to bury her fat lying body, unless you want to come down and help
Scammer:
I will come if you can just stop by a walmart shop and get me $500 worth of amazon card
Then I can get some money and get there before 5pm tomorrow
Me:
OK, I will need help cutting up her body. Have you ever cut off someone’s head before? Last time I had to do this it took me two hours. I got a chainsaw, but I am not strong enough to use it. Can you do that part 
Scammer:
Lol
I can help if i get there
Me:
Oh my god I was texting someone else also, and he said he is going to come over right now and fuck me for free
Thanks anyway
He sent me a picture of his dick and it is huge
So I guess our love is not meant to be
Scammer:
Okay dear
Bye
Me:
I hope you know that I was playing and that I know you are a scammer
--------
So you can see I failed in my goal to get a scammer to cut off the conversation on his end first.
Well you can't win 'em all.
Scammers were just one variety of men I met out there. There were also charmers like this:
Here's another winner, just for the heck of it
Luckily I have hit menopause and that part of my life is over, desire dried up along with everything else. I am truly free now.
Time for another ferret, or maybe even a dog.
text (c) otterwoman 2022
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