Friday, July 11, 2008

I Hate Showering

The thing about showering: I hate the repeated drudgery of the annoying need to bathe. It's such a nuisance! First you get undressed and mess up your hair. Then cold air hits your naked vulnerable flesh, and you jump in to a stream of water whose temperature you can never satisfyingly adjust. You shave your legs and invariably bleed from some painful cut. You have to look at parts of your body you'd rather not admit to. You are struck by the sad memories of certain scars, and the melancholy memory of when your breasts were perky and firm. Finally you emerge, bumps form on your skin, and your teeth chatter. Now you're cold and wet, and you try to get dressed, but your clothes are unwilling and stick to your limbs. It takes you five minutes just to get your underpants on right. Your hair is all tangled, and you have to reapply your makeup, and you are left with a pile of laundry to do. Whoever enjoys bathing is a masochist in my book. Did you know that it's unhealthy to strip your body of its natural oils? Get a life! Stop wasting your time in the bathtub or shower! Someday you'll be able to just swallow a pill and, Boom!, you'll be clean! Let me tell you, I'm living for that day, even moreso than I'm waiting for the greenhouse effect to eradicate snow. p.s. I just got one of those crescent shower rods. They are the greatest! It's like having an extra room in your shower!